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HomeJokesTom Swiftie Jokes

Tom Swiftie Jokes

Tom Swiftie (or Tom Swifty) jokes always include a quoted sentence linked by a pun to the way it’s attributed. These jokes became popular in the 1960s and are based on the “Tom Swift” book series from the early 20th century.

Tom Swiftie: “Don’t drop that bottle of lye,” Tom said caustically.

Joke by Robert H., Noblesville, Ind.
2 comments

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Tom Swiftie: “I have only diamonds, clubs and spades,” Tom said heartlessly.

Joke by Dan H., Conshohocken, Pa.
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Tom Swiftie: “Don’t light those fireworks!” Tom exploded.

Joke by Jeffrey D., Lansing, Mich.
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Tom Swiftie: “I’m not eating too much candy,” Tom said sweetly.

Joke by Kevin A., St. Louis, Mo.
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Tom Swiftie: "Ow! I cut myself!" Tom said sharply.

Joke by Nick B., Oak Park, Ill.
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Tom Swiftie: "You like to sew!" Tom needled his brother.

Joke by Wade C., Denton, Tex.
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Tom Swiftie: "Can I open a checking account?" Tom asked with interest.

Joke by Zach B., South Williamsport, Pa.
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Tom Swiftie: "I love meat and potatoes," Tom said heartily.

Joke by Benjamin M., Otis, Ore.
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Tom Swiftie: "You have the right to remain silent," Tom said arrestingly.

Joke by Michael H., Senatobia, Miss.
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Tom Swiftie: "A storm is coming!" Tom thundered.

Joke by Tommy W., Decatur, Ga.
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Tom Swiftie: "I heard a mouse!" Tom squeaked.

Joke by Amanda M., Springfield, Mo.
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Tom Swiftie: "You broke my rubber band!" Tom snapped.

Joke by Treyton M., Cove, Ore.
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Tom Swiftie: "Where's my food?" Tom stewed.

Joke by Tyler B., Suwanee, Ga.
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Tom Swiftie: "I got squished by a board," Tom said flatly.

Joke by Jacob W., Chesapeake, Va.
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Tom Swiftie: "I hate sewing," Tom fabricated.

Joke by Patrick N., Folsom, Calif.
2 comments

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Tom Swiftie: "I didn't eat ALL the lamb chops," Tom said sheepishly.

Joke by Seth C., Denton, Tex.
1 comments

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Tom Swiftie: "I like your bracelet," Tom said charmingly.

Joke by Tristan P., Yorba Linda, Calif.
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Tom Swiftie: "Let's go catch some fish!" Tom said alluringly.

Joke by David W., Shapleigh, Me.
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Tom Swiftie: "The rope broke!" Tom snapped.

Joke by Kevin C., Crouse, N.C.
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Tom Swiftie: "Let's watch 'Star Wars'!" Tom said forcefully.

Joke by Stephen C., Alexandria, Va.
12 comments

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Tom Swiftie: "Watch out for competing lemonade stands," Tom said tartly.

Joke by Shelly N., Falls Church, Va.
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Tom Swiftie: "My stereo's only half-fixed," Tom said monotonously.

Joke by Mike K., Terrace Park, Ohio
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Tom Swiftie: "This boat is leaking," Tom said balefully.

Joke by Rohan T., Plano, Tex.
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Tom Swiftie: "Why do you read those tabloids?" Tom inquired.

Joke by Samuel B., Fairfax, Va.
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Tom Swiftie: "Light the fuse," Tom said wickedly.

Joke by Patrick C., Woonsocket, R.I.
2 comments

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