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How to measure a snake

CURREN: How do you measure a snake?
FRANK: How?
CURREN: In inches -- because they don’t have feet.

Joke by Curren M., Virginia Beach, Virginia
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Mad scientist tech support

Comic by Scott Nickel
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The Amendments by Bill O. Rites

A PUNNY BOOK: The Amendments by Bill O. Rites.
Joke by Jan B., Kalamazoo, Michigan
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A ship that can’t stop winning

AIDEN: What do you call a ship that can’t stop winning?
NOAH: I have no idea.
AIDEN: A showboat.
Joke by Aiden C., Phoenix, Arizona
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Treating a sick lemon

DANIEL: What do you give a sick lemon?
LIZZIE: What?
Daniel: Lemon aid.
Joke by Daniel I., Aiea, Hawaii
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Metamorphosis is super weird

Comic by Kyle Bravo
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How the moon cuts its hair

TOMMY: How does the moon cut its hair?
ROCCO: How?
TOMMY: Eclipse it.
Joke by Tommy A., Westwood, Massachusetts
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A saxophone playing fruit

ANTONIO: Which fruit can play the saxophone?
JANICE: Which one?
ANTONIO: The bluesberry.
Joke by Antonio A., Brooklyn, New York
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Why the pencil was kicked out of class

IRAJ: Why did the pencil get kicked out of class?
PIERRE: Tell me.
IRAJ: Because it was drawing too much attention.
Joke by Iraj U., Frisco, Texas
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Godzilla steps on a Lego

Comic by Scott Masear
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My pen writes underwater

ISAAC: I have a pen that can write underwater.
SAM: That’s cool!
ISAAC: Yeah. It can write other words too.
Joke by Isaac F., Hollywood, Florida
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Acorn parades are nuts

ELIJAH: Have you heard about the acorn parade?
MOM: What about it?
ELIJAH: It was nuts.
Joke by Elijah S., Houston, Texas
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Superman’s favorite place to shop

CHARLOTTE: What’s Superman’s favorite place to shop?
NATHAN: I don’t know.
CHARLOTTE: The supermarket.
Joke by Charlotte S., Fountain Valley, California
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GPS migration

Comic by Harley Schwadron
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Why the king is always wet

AIDEN: Why is King Charles III always wet?
ALYTHIA: No clue.
AIDEN: Because he is the raining monarch.
Joke by Aiden R., Rogers, Arkansas
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How dog catchers get paid

TRISTAN: How do dog catchers get paid?
MELODY: I haven’t the foggiest.
TRISTAN: By the pound.
Joke by Tristan T., Longview, Washington
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Can’t see it while you’re running

SHREYAAN: You can’t see it while running, but you can see it when you stop.
REYAANSH: What is it?
SHREYAAN: A stopwatch.
Joke by Shreyaan G., Santa Clara, California
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Download the werewolf app

Comic by Scott Nickel
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Princess eats for breakfast

JAMESON: What does a princess eat for breakfast?
KYLIE: I don’t know.
JAMESON: French toast castle-roll.
Joke by Jameson F., San Diego, California
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A dinosaur that explodes

HARRISON: What do you call a dinosaur that explodes?
LORI: I don’t know.
HARRISON: Dino-mite.
Joke by Harrison C., Wichita, Kansas
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How trees get on the computer

LIAM: How do trees get on the computer?
OWEN: I’m stumped.
LIAM: They log in.
Joke by Liam C., Springfield, Virginia
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Not another pizza party

Comic by Kyle Bravo
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Why pirates fight each other

LAM: Why did the pirates fight each other?
RICHARD: Tell me!
LAM: Things got a bit patchy between them.
Joke by Lam P., Monroe, Connecticut
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I have a tender foot

BENTLEE: What did the new Scout say after his first hike?
LONDON: What?
BENTLEE: “I have a tender foot.”
Joke by Bentlee T., Georgetown, South Carolina
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Never take this bird to a bank

AYN: What type of bird should you never take to a bank?
DIANNE: I haven’t the foggiest.
AYN: A robin.
Joke by Ayn A., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
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Polly wants some cheese spread

Comic by Jon Carter
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Elephant on hockey skates

REDD: What do you call an elephant on hockey skates?
NYLA: Tell me.
REDD: An icebreaker!
Joke by Redd C., Layton, Utah
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When a clock is really hungry

AYN: How do you know when a clock is really hungry?
KATIE: I haven’t the foggiest.
AYN: It goes back for seconds.
Joke by Ayn A., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
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Why the hot dog crossed the road

GEORGE: Why did the hot dog cross the road?
TOMMY: Why?
GEORGE: To ketchup with the hamburger.
Joke by George L., Manchester, Missouri
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Not mad at the dog

Comic by Van Scott
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Eating spring rolls

Warped Wise Man Wonders: “Why do we eat spring rolls year-round?”
Joke by Kayden P., Odessa, Texas
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Don’t wake the sleeping bag

CAMP LEADER: Good morning, campers.
CAMPER: Shhh! Please don’t talk so loudly.
CAMP LEADER: Sorry. What’s wrong?
CAMPER: I’ve got a sleeping bag, and I don’t want to wake it up.
Joke by Mariano A., Lincoln, Nebraska
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What a knife says to a knife

RAYAAN: What did one knife say to the other knife?
SAM: What?
RAYAAN: “Lookin’ sharp!”
Joke by Rayaan D., Upper Saddle River, New Jersey
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