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What the Earth said to the asteroid

GRYFFIN: What did Earth say to the asteroid?
JACKSON: I don’t know. What?
GRYFFIN: “Give me some space!”

Joke by Gryffin R., Englewood, Colorado
0 comments

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Don’t fly so close to the popcorn factory

Comic by Scott Nickel
0 comments
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A cat that swims in the water

SEAN: What kind of cat swims in the water?
KELLY: Tell me.
SEAN: Catfish.
Joke by Sean E., Franklinton, Louisiana
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Cargo by ship but shipment by car

WARPED WISE MAN WONDERS: Why is it that when something travels by ship it’s called “cargo,” but when it travels by car it’s called a “shipment”?
Joke by Zach H., Minneapolis, Minnesota
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Why the gym closed

ROMAN: Why did the gym close?
JETTA: I haven’t the foggiest.
ROMAN: Because it didn’t work out.
Joke by Roman S., Linwood, Kansas
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I must be a whale

Comic by Scott Nickel
0 comments
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Leprechaun music

JASPER: What type of music do leprechauns listen to?
HARPER: What?
JASPER: Shamrock ’n’ roll.
Joke by Jasper R., El Cajon, California
0 comments
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Who’s there? Woo.

JASON: Knock, knock.
MIKE: Who’s there?
JASON: Woo.
MIKE: Woo, who?
JASON: Why are you cheering? Our team is losing.
Joke by Jason C., Davis, California
0 comments
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A happy cowboy

RYAN: What do you call a happy cowboy?
SASHA: What?
RYAN: A jolly rancher.
Joke by Ryan C., Chesapeake, Maryland
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Whack a guacamole

Comic by Jon Carter
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A lab test and a cat scan

A MAN TAKES HIS SICK CHIHUAHUA TO THE VET. A Labrador retriever comes in, sniffs the dog and leaves. Then a cat enters, stares at it for a while and leaves. The vet returns and hands over a $250 bill.

The man says, “$250? I was here only 20 minutes!”

“That’s right,” says the vet. “$100 for the lab test and $150 for the cat scan.”
Joke by Remy W., Colorado Springs, Colorado
0 comments
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Bringing rope to a hockey game

AJAY: Why did the hockey player bring rope to the game?
JAX: I don’t know.
AJAY: To tie the score.
Joke by Ajay J., Fremont, California
0 comments
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Setting a campfire’s heart ablaze

TOM: What set the campfire’s heart ablaze?
JOSH: I don’t know. What?
TOM: It found its perfect match.
Joke by Tom H., Chicago, Illinois
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Replacing the lighthouse batteries

Comic by Edouard Blaise
0 comments
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Use ‘winsome’ in a sentence

TEACHER: Johnny, please use the word “winsome” in a sentence.
JOHNNY: You winsome and you lose some.
Joke by John D., Johnstown, Pennsylvania
0 comments
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Why seagulls fly over the sea

BRANTLEY: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
LEE: I’m not sure.
BRANTLEY: Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
Joke by Brantley R., Wake Forest, North Carolina
0 comments
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Rash of good luck

AYN: What do you get when you find a four-leaf clover in a poison ivy patch?
JAN: What?
AYN: A rash of good luck.
Joke by Ayn A., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
0 comments
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How did you find me?

Comic by Scott Nickel
0 comments
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Country with the fastest growing population

MARIANO: Which country’s capital has the fastest growing population?
HALEY: Tell me.
MARIANO: Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin!
Joke by Mariano A., Lincoln, Nebraska
0 comments
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Planet where astronauts sleep

MARGARET: Which planet does an astronaut sleep on?
RAYA: I’m stumped.
MARGARET: Naptune.
Joke by Margaret T., Paxton, Massachusetts
0 comments
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Blue and doesn’t weigh much

WILLIAM: What’s blue and doesn’t weigh much?
EMMA: What?
WILLIAM: Light blue.
Joke by William R., Katy, Texas
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Dry Chicken

Comic by Scott Nickel
2 comments
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Scouts doing figure eights

ASHLEY: Why was the Scout doing figure eights?
SARAH: Tell me.
ASHLEY: Because he needed to do a Good Turn daily.
Joke by Ashley L., Greensboro, North Carolina
0 comments
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Where cats go swimming

CARMEN: Where do cats go swimming?
YARA: Where?
CARMEN: The kitty pool.
Joke by Carmen, Chicago, Illinois
0 comments
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A car’s least favorite ice cream

OSCAR: What’s a car’s least favorite type of ice cream?
SAMMY: What?
OSCAR: Rocky road.
Joke by Oscar S., Beaverton, Oregon
0 comments
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Mutant Kingdom T-Shirt

Comic by Jon Carter
2 comments
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A sea monster’s favorite snack

ISAAC: What’s a sea monster’s favorite snack?
JACOB: Tell me.
ISAAC: Ships and dip.
Joke by Isaac S., Irvine, California
0 comments
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Where skeletons learn to swim

JOSHUA: Where do skeletons learn how to swim?
DANIEL: Where?
JOSHUA: The Dead Sea.
Joke by Joshua M., Roslyn, New York
0 comments
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Mail a knife likes to get

JAMES: What kind of mail does a knight like to get?
JESSICA: I’m not sure.
JAMES: Chain mail.
Joke by James W., Eugene, Oregon
0 comments
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A quiet snake

Comic by Scott Nickel
0 comments
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Why the bread didn’t pop out of the toaster

ISAIAH: Why didn’t the piece of bread pop out of the toaster?
JAMES: I don’t know.
ISAIAH: It got jammed.
Joke by Isaiah J., Coeur d’Alene, Idaho
0 comments
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A wolf that knows it’s a wolf

FLYNN: What do you call a wolf that knows it’s a wolf?
HAILEY: What?
FLYNN: Awarewolf.
Joke by Flynn N., Beloit, Wisconsin
0 comments
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A turtle with my friend on my back

I WALKED INTO A COSTUME PARTY dressed up as a turtle with my friend on my back. People asked me who it was. I said, “It’s Michelle.”
Joke by Farr H., Bainbridge Island, Washington
0 comments
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