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Shoelaces, faucet and broccoli race

ROBERT: Two shoelaces, a faucet and a broccoli were running in a race. Who won?
TAYLOR: I don’t know.
ROBERT: The shoelaces tied, the broccoli was a head and the faucet was running behind.

Joke by Robert D., Charlottesville, Virginia
0 comments

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Cleaning the pool

Comic by Scott Nickel
0 comments
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Hammerhead’s test results

PAXTON: How did the hammerhead shark do on the test?
HEATHER: No clue.
PAXTON: He nailed it.
Joke by Paxton K., Kalida, Ohio
0 comments
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No motorcycles in the Pinewood Derby

COLTON: Why don’t motorcycles compete in the Pinewood Derby?
LIAM: Tell me.
COLTON: Because they’re two tired.
Joke by Colton A., Chicago, Illinois
0 comments
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How the weather forecaster got a job

TED: Why did the weather forecaster get their job?
CARL: I haven’t the foggiest.
TED: Because they had multiple degrees.
Joke by Ted H., Boise, Idaho
0 comments
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Snowman’s Summer Vacation

Comic by Scott A. Masear
8 comments
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Dentist and a lost dog

WILLIAM: Why did the man who lost his dog go to the dentist?
EMMA: Why?
WILLIAM: Because he had a loose canine.
Joke by William R., Katy, Texas
0 comments
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Barcode scanners at port

LEE: Why do Navy ports in Norway have barcode scanners?
SAM: Why?
LEE: To Scandinavian.
Joke by Gideon S., Holt, Michigan
0 comments
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Why the alligator wears a vest

PARKER: Why did the alligator wear a vest?
KATE: Tell me.
PARKER: Because he’s an investigator.
Joke by Parker A., Eureka, Missouri
0 comments
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We pick Larry

Comic by Scott Nickel
6 comments
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Destroyed cheese factory

LUCY: Did you hear about the cheese factory that blew up?
JANET: What happened?
LUCY: There was de brie everywhere.
Joke by Lucy Z., Rochester, Washington
0 comments
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Why a hummingbird hums

BILL: Why does a hummingbird hum?
DAVE: Why?
BILL: Because it doesn’t know the words.
Joke by Bill J., Germantown, Tennessee
0 comments
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A horse’s favorite dance

CLARK: What’s a horse’s favorite dance?
LIAM: I’m not sure.
CLARK: The neigh-neigh.
Joke by Clark N., New Orleans, Louisiana
0 comments
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Oops, wrong city

Comic by Scott Nickel
0 comments
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The general’s battery army

GEORGE: What did the general say to his battery army?
PENNY: Tell me.
GEORGE: “Charge!”
Joke by George D., Woodbridge, Virginia
0 comments
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Notetaking frogs

AYN: How do frogs take notes?
JAN: How?
AYN: On lily pads.
Joke by Ayn A., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
0 comments
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Parkways and driveways

WARPED WISE MAN WONDERS: Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Joke by Matthew G., Holly Springs, North Carolina
0 comments
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Zombie Golfer

Comic by Scott Nickel
7 comments
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What you call a crazy monkey

ASHER: What do you call a crazy monkey?
LILLY: I’m stumped.
ASHER: Bananas!
Joke by Asher G., Crystal Lake, Illinois
0 comments
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Koi fish swim in pairs

SPENCER: Why do koi fish swim in pairs?
CHELSEA: I don’t know.
SPENCER: Because when they get in trouble, fish A, B and C can get away. The last fish is a D koi.
Joke by Spencer B., Redmond, Washington
0 comments
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Why cats and dogs are increasing

HRISHAAN: Why did the number of cats and dogs increase in under a minute?
JAKE: Not sure.
HRISHAAN: Because of the big rainstorm.
Joke by Hrishaan I., Bellevue, Washington
3 comments
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Don’t fly so close to the popcorn factory

Comic by Scott Nickel
0 comments
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Cook the patrol’s soup

JOSH: Can I help you cook the soup for the patrol dinner?
TOM: Sure! The next ingredient in the recipe is five potatoes, cubed.
JOSH: Where am I supposed to find 125 potatoes?
Joke by Tom H., Chicago, Illinois
0 comments
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Who’s there? Waddle.

FINN: Knock, knock.
SARAH: Who’s there?
FINN: Waddle.
SARAH: Waddle, who?
FINN: Waddle it take for you to open the door?
Joke by Finn O., Edmonds, Washington
0 comments
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Blame the shelf

BRANDON: What did the librarian say when a book accidentally fell on him?
KATE: What?
BRANDON: “I only have my shelf to blame.”
Joke by Brandon G., Bremerton, Washington
0 comments
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I must be a whale

Comic by Scott Nickel
0 comments
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Communicating with a fish

MICHAEL: How do you communicate with a fish?
RYAN: How?
MICHAEL: You drop a line.
Joke by Michael G., Virginia Beach, Virginia
0 comments
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What you call a sleeping bull

SAM: What do you call a sleeping bull?
WILL: I don’t know.
SAM: A bulldozer.
Joke by Samson S., Holt, Michigan
0 comments
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What the Earth said to the asteroid

GRYFFIN: What did Earth say to the asteroid?
JACKSON: I don’t know. What?
GRYFFIN: “Give me some space!”
Joke by Gryffin R., Englewood, Colorado
0 comments
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Whack a guacamole

Comic by Jon Carter
0 comments
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A cat that swims in the water

SEAN: What kind of cat swims in the water?
KELLY: Tell me.
SEAN: Catfish.
Joke by Sean E., Franklinton, Louisiana
0 comments
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Cargo by ship but shipment by car

WARPED WISE MAN WONDERS: Why is it that when something travels by ship it’s called “cargo,” but when it travels by car it’s called a “shipment”?
Joke by Zach H., Minneapolis, Minnesota
1 comments
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Why the gym closed

ROMAN: Why did the gym close?
JETTA: I haven’t the foggiest.
ROMAN: Because it didn’t work out.
Joke by Roman S., Linwood, Kansas
0 comments
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