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How a programmer opens a lock

PRANAYSAI: What did the computer programmer use to open the lock?
HARRY: What?
PRANAYSAI: A keyboard.

Joke by Pranaysai G., Fremont, California
0 comments

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Clown’s diagnosis is nothing serious

Comic by Scott Nickel
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Break a fin

FARID: What did the emcee say to the shark who was getting ready to go onstage?
BRETT: I’m not sure.
FARID: “Break a fin.”
Joke by Farid E., Clifton, Virginia
0 comments
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What the top hat said to the bow tie

MAX: What did the top hat say to the bow tie?
LONDON: What?
MAX: “Fancy meeting you here.”
Joke by Max N., Arleta, California
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I lost my compass

TOM SWIFTY: “I think I lost my compass,” Tom said aimlessly.
Joke by Adelyn J., Spring, Texas
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Captain of the dog’s cruise

Comic by Scott Masear
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A horse’s favorite shoe

ELI: What’s a horse’s favorite type of shoe?
DEAN: What?
ELI: High clops.
Joke by Eli F., Carrollton, Texas
0 comments
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Egg at the beach

ZAIN: On what side did the egg lie on the beach?
COLE: I don’t know.
ZAIN: Sunny-side up.
Joke by Zain W., Clifton, Virginia
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Boxer at the library

BRANDON: What did the boxer do at the library?
JAKE: No clue.
BRANDON: Hit the books.
Joke by Brandon G., Bremerton, Washington
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A snowman’s sneeze

Comic by Scott Nickel
0 comments
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Football players don’t get hot

LIAM: Why don’t football players ever get hot?
BECKET: Why?
LIAM: Because of all the fans.
Joke by Becket C., Hoover, Alabama
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Cutest vegetable

TRIPP: What’s the cutest vegetable?
TIMMY: What?
TRIPP: A cute-cumber.
Joke by Tripp G., Virginia Beach, Virginia
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When the sun and moon broke up

TRENT: What did the moon say to the sun when they broke up?
SEAN: Tell me.
TRENT: “I think I need some space.”
Joke by Trent S., Plano, Texas
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Roller toaster

Comic by Johnny Hawkins
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A gingerbread man’s bed

LORIN: What does the gingerbread man put on his bed?
BRICE: What?
LORIN: Cookie sheets.
Joke by Curren M., Virginia Beach, Virginia
0 comments
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No kittens in the park

MARIANO: Why did the mother cat move her kittens away from the park?
BELLA: I’m stumped.
MARIANO: She didn’t want to be caught littering.
Joke by Mariano A., Lincoln, Nebraska
0 comments
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Chili in the wintertime

LEVI: Why don’t you eat chili in the wintertime?
LUCAS: Tell me.
LEVI: Because it would make you colder.
Joke by Christian W., Victoria, Kansas
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Snowman’s disappearing nose

Comic by Van Scott
0 comments
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Penguin in the Sahara Desert

LEIF: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert?
ANDREW: No idea.
LEIF: Lost.
Joke by Leif M., Colorado Springs, Colorado
0 comments
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Bringing a rope to a crime scene

ASCHER: Why did the Scout bring a rope to a crime investigation?
MAURICE: Why?
ASCHER: To tie up loose ends.
Joke by Ascher L., Cary, Illinois
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This river is fast and bumpy

TOM SWIFTY: “This river is fast and bumpy,” Tom said rapidly.
Joke by Roger H., San Diego, California
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Your city’s on the naughty list

Comic by Scott Nickel
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Who’s there? Alaska

STEVE: Knock, knock.
DAVE: Who’s there?
STEVE: Alaska.
DAVE: Alaska, who?
STEVE: Alaska again — what do you want for Christmas?
Joke by Rakesh V., Fremont, California
1 comments
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The best gift

NATHAN: What is the best gift?
JAMES: I’m stumped.
NATHAN: A broken drum. You just can’t beat it!
Joke by Nathan N., Glendale, Arizona
0 comments
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Dog chasing a man on a bicycle

POLICEMAN: Your dog has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.
BOY: That’s impossible. My dog doesn’t know how to ride a bicycle!
Joke by Lynn H., Eureka, California
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Trash can or trash can’t?

Comic by Kyle Bravo
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Your coldest relative

DANIEL: Who’s your coldest relative?
LAURA: I don’t know.
DANIEL: Aunt Arctica.
Joke by Daniel O., Willoughby Hills, Ohio
0 comments
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Clock enrolled in medical school

BRANDON: Why did the clock enroll in medical school?
BRICE: Why?
BRANDON: Because time heals all wounds.
Joke by Brandon G., Bremerton, Washington
1 comments
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“High Jump” by Lee Ping

A BOOK NEVER WRITTEN: High Jump by Lee Ping.
Joke by Daniel K., Lighthouse Point, Florida
1 comments
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Santa’s dry cleaning

Comic by Scott Nickel
1 comments
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Where penguins go to vote

SARA: Where do penguins go to vote?
TRIYA: I haven’t the foggiest.
SARAH: The South Poll.
Joke by Sarah B., Naperville, Illinois
0 comments
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“How to Make an Honest Living”

BOOK NEVER WRITTEN: How to Make an Honest Living by Robin Steele.
Joke by Molly K., Ringgold, Georgia
0 comments
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Just using a candy cane

GINGERBREAD MAN: I hurt my knee while rock climbing.
GINGERBREAD WOMAN: Have you tried icing it?
GINGERBREAD MAN: Not yet. I’ve just been using a candy cane.
Joke by Mariano A., Lincoln, Nebraska
0 comments
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