Jokes by Scout Life
  • Browse 6,000+ Jokes
  • 100 Best Jokes
  • Jokes By Topics
  • Joke Types
    • All Jokes
    • Comics
    • Long Jokes
    • Knock, Knock Jokes
    • Tom Swiftie Jokes
    • A Book Never Written
    • Daffynition Jokes
    • Warped Wiseman Jokes
  • Submit Jokes
  • Subscribe
  • Scoutlife.org
HomeJokesLong Jokes

Long Jokes

Some of the best jokes are told as funny stories. It takes more time to set up the punchline for these long jokes, but the reward is even more laughter.

TWO SCOUTS CAMPING in their backyard wanted to know the time, so they started singing at the top of their lungs. Then one of their neighbors threw open his window and yelled, “Cut the noise! Don’t you know it’s 3 o’clock in the morning?”

Joke by Michael B., Varysburg, New York
1 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A bear walks into a restaurant and says, “I want a grilled ... cheese.”
The waiter says, “Why the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I don’t know. I was born with them.”

Joke by Nathan G., Chester Springs, Pennsylvania
1 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

Ethan: I have a bed, but I don’t sleep.
I have a bank but no money.
I have a mouth but can’t talk.
What am I?
Alice: No idea.
Ethan: A river!

Joke by Ethan M., North Potomac, Maryland 
4 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.

He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!” 

The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”

Joke by Aaron W., Groton, New York
24 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A kid finds a magical lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says, “What is your first wish?” The kid says, “I wish I were rich!” The genie replies, “It is done! What is your second wish, Rich?”

Joke by Jeremy C., Downingtown, Pennsylvania
29 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

Joke by David R., Biddeford, Maine
24 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

“I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

“I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home.

“I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here."

Joke by Rita M., Anchorage, Alaska
35 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.
“Don’t bother, young man,” said the customer. “It’s self-rising.”

Joke by Xavier B., Thompson’s Station, Tennessee
6 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A photon walks into a hotel.
The desk clerk says, “Can we help you with your luggage?”
The photon says, “No, thanks. I’m traveling light.”

Joke by Axel P., Tacoma, Washington
5 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A man walks into a library, approaches the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

The librarian says, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”

“Sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

Joke by Andrew P., Gaithersburg, Maryland
24 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

“Yes,” he said. “My father taught me.”

“Good. What comes after three?”

“Four,” answered the boy.

“What comes after six?”

“Seven.”

“Very good,” said the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. And what comes after 10?”

“Jack.”

Joke by Christopher P., Long Beach, Calif.
47 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room.

Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.

“This must be a mistake,” the man says. “I’ve been here only 20 minutes!”

“No mistake,” the doctor says. “It’s $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.”

Joke by Daniel H., Caledonia, Michigan
14 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

“Oh, no!” the kangaroo groaned to her friend, the rabbit. “The forecast calls for rain.”

“What’s the problem with that?” asked the rabbit. “We could use some rain.”

“Sure,” the kangaroo said. “But that means my kids will have to play inside all day!”

Joke by Luke D., Muskego, Wis.
14 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”

The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”

“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.

The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said.

“I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach."

Joke by Michael V., Tallahassee, Fla.
55 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“He’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

Joke by Aaron K., Williamsport, Md.
25 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator
to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.

“What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks.

The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?”

“Um, yes,” the man replies. “It is."

“Well then,” the squirrel says, shutting his eyes again, “I am twying to west.”

Joke by David T., Bronx, N.Y.
23 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.

Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.

The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two coats.”

Joke by Krishna P., Albany, Calif.
19 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A guy asks a lawyer about his fees.

“I charge $50 for three questions,” the lawyer says.

“That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?” the guy asks.

“Yes, I suppose so,” the lawyer replies. “Now what’s your final question?”

Joke by Arnold C., Honolulu, Hawaii
15 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. 

A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?”

Joke by Arnold C., Honolulu, Hawaii
35 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.

“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” 

“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

Joke by Kyoji M., Cheswick, Pa.
15 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

One day a man with an elephant walks into a movie theater.

“I’m afraid I can’t let your elephant in here, sir,” the manager says.

“Oh, I assure you, he’s very well behaved,” the man says.

“All right then,” the manager says. “If you’re sure. …”

After the movie, the manager says to the man, “I’m very surprised! Your elephant was well behaved, and he even seemed to enjoy the movie!”

“Yes, I was surprised, too,” says the man. “He hated the book.”

Joke by Milo S., Richland, Wash.
15 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

One day Max went to see Carl. Carl had a big swollen nose.

“Whoa, what happened, Carl?” Max asked.

“I sniffed a brose,” Carl replied.

“What?” Max said. “There’s no ‘b’ in rose!”

Carl replied, “There was in this one!”

Joke by Charlie H., Homer Glen, Ill.
31 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years.  At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years. 

Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?” 

And the lady said, “Pardon?”

Joke by Vincent F., Manchester, Mo.
118 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. 

“Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some. 

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. 

“Wait a minute,” the boy said. “Those don’t look fat-free.” 

“Sure they are,” the cook said. “We charge only for the potatoes. The fat is free!”

Joke by Sam S., Birmingham, Ala.
30 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

Two friends are walking their dogs -- a Dalmatian and a Chihuahua -- when they smell something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.

The guy with the Dalmatian says, “Let’s get something to eat.”

But the guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there, we have dogs with us.” 

So the first guy says, “Just follow my lead.” He puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks into the restaurant. 

“Sorry,” says the owner, “no pets allowed.” 

“But this is my seeing-eye dog,” the guy with the Dalmatian says. 

“A Dalmatian?” 

“Yes, they’re using them now.” 

The owner says, “Very well, then, come on in.” 

The guy with the Chihuahua repeats the process and gets the same response from the owner: “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” 

“But this is my seeing-eye dog,” says the second guy. 

“A Chihuahua?” asks the incredulous owner. 

“A Chihuahua?!,” says the man in the dark glasses. “They gave me a Chihuahua?!”

Joke by Wade S., Norfolk, Neb.
85 comments

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading...

Posts pagination

1 2 »
ADVERTISEMENT

Send Us Your Jokes

patch for submittting a joke to Scout Life
Heard any good jokes lately? Scout Life will send you this Official Contributor patch for each joke of yours we publish in the printed magazine.

Today's Top-Rated Jokes

  • 1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 “How to Build Computers”
  • 1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 “Understanding the Brain”
  • 1 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 51 vote, average: 3.00 out of 5 The lawyer’s fees

All-Time Top-Rated Jokes

  • 26 votes, average: 4.65 out of 526 votes, average: 4.65 out of 526 votes, average: 4.65 out of 526 votes, average: 4.65 out of 526 votes, average: 4.65 out of 5 How to catch my tail
  • 22 votes, average: 4.64 out of 522 votes, average: 4.64 out of 522 votes, average: 4.64 out of 522 votes, average: 4.64 out of 522 votes, average: 4.64 out of 5 Cupid the reindeer
  • 78 votes, average: 4.63 out of 578 votes, average: 4.63 out of 578 votes, average: 4.63 out of 578 votes, average: 4.63 out of 578 votes, average: 4.63 out of 5 Who’s a good boy?
  • 38 votes, average: 4.61 out of 538 votes, average: 4.61 out of 538 votes, average: 4.61 out of 538 votes, average: 4.61 out of 538 votes, average: 4.61 out of 5 Knock, knock. Who’s there? L...
  • 39 votes, average: 4.59 out of 539 votes, average: 4.59 out of 539 votes, average: 4.59 out of 539 votes, average: 4.59 out of 539 votes, average: 4.59 out of 5 Snowman’s Summer Vacation

Make a Pocket Joke Book

Download and fold your own pocket-sized joke book.

Scout Life Comics

ADVERTISEMENT
Now on Scoutlife.org
  • Scoutlife.org
  • Games
  • Jokes
  • Outdoors & Gear
  • Hobbies & Projects
  • Scouts
  • Contests & Giveaways
  • Subscribe
Scout Life magazine
Scout Life magazine cover
Subscribe Today!
Follow Scout Life
  • Follow on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Follow on Instagram
  • Follow on YouTube
  • Follow on Pinterest
Contact Scout Life
ONLINE: scoutlife.org/contact-us
PHONE: (866) 584-6589
MAIL: 1325 W. Walnut Hill Lane, P.O. Box 152401, Irving, TX 75015-2401
Join Scouting
Scouting America logo
Visit beascout.org to find out how you can get involved in Scouting.
  • Subscribe
  • Subscriber Services
  • Archives
  • Contact Us
  • Advertise
  • Join Scouting
  • Privacy Policy

© 2025, Boy Scouts of America. All rights reserved.