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HomeJokesTom Swiftie Jokes

Tom Swiftie Jokes

Tom Swiftie (or Tom Swifty) jokes always include a quoted sentence linked by a pun to the way it’s attributed. These jokes became popular in the 1960s and are based on the “Tom Swift” book series from the early 20th century.

Tom Swiftie: “This is an amazing comic,” Tom marveled.

Joke by Benjamin S., Oswego, Ill.
11 comments

Tom Swiftie: “Pass me the shellfish,” Tom said crabbily.

Joke by Noah W., Fremont, Calif.
10 comments

Tom Swiftie: “I love Kansas,” Tom said plainly.

Joke by Brian S., Brunswick, Ohio
7 comments

Tom Swiftie: “Boy, this hot dog is delicious!”  Tom said frankly.

Joke by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.
7 comments

Tom Swiftie: “I’ll cook the pancakes this morning,” Tom said flippantly.

Joke by Bill M., New Ulm, Tex.
4 comments

Tom Swiftie: “A car just ran over my foot,” Tom said tiredly.

Joke by Nicholas G., South Range, Wis.
3 comments

Tom Swiftie: “Fix that tire,” Tom said flatly.

Joke by Adam T., Emmett, Idaho
2 comments

Tom Swiftie: “I have to change my answer,” Tom remarked.

Joke by Tom I., Oakdale, Minn.
16 comments

Tom Swiftie: “I want to get a spicy root at the grocery store,” Tom said gingerly.

Joke by Andrew C., Gaithersburg, Md.
4 comments

Tom Swiftie: “I don’t like exams,” Tom said testily.

Joke by Andrew P., Anaheim, Calif.
3 comments

Tom Swiftie: “Electricity is amazing,” Tom said ecstatically.

Joke by Dylan B., Columbus, Ohio
5 comments

Tom Swiftie: “Help! My pants are falling off,” Tom belted out.

Joke by Kris V., State College, Pa.
4 comments

Tom Swiftie: “I have too many lemons,” Tom said bitterly.

Joke by Alexander C., Columbus, Ind.
4 comments

Tom Swiftie: “I wish I had put my money in the bank,” Tom said, without interest.

Joke by Jon B., York, S.C.
6 comments

Tom Swiftie: “It’s 9:59,” Tom said pretentiously.

Joke by Hunter T., State College, Pa.
8 comments

Tom Swiftie: “Mark your calendar,” Tom said weakly.

Joke by Caroline M., Augusta, Ga.
7 comments

Tom Swiftie: “That’s the last time I pet a lion!” Tom said offhandedly.

Joke by Jonas O., Seminole, Fla.
5 comments

Tom Swiftie: “Does anyone know how to remove stains?” Tom shouted.

Joke by Hunter T., State College, Pa.
2 comments

Tom Swiftie: “Carl shouldn’t be skipping class,” Tom said absently.

Joke by Christopher H., Traverse City, Mich.
8 comments

Tom Swiftie: “That wood is too dry,” Tom snapped.

Joke by Andy H., Columbus, Neb.
6 comments

Tom Swiftie: “It’s not very windy today,” Tom said disgustedly.

Joke by Simon B., Concord, Mass.
7 comments

Tom Swiftie: “Please hand me the butter knife,” Tom said pointlessly.

Joke by Nick A., White Bear Lake, Minn.
1 comments

Tom Swiftie: “This room looks like a pig sty,” Tom snorted.

Joke by Joe M., Eden Prairie, Minn.
1 comments

Tom Swiftie: “I hate snakes,” Tom hissed.

Joke by Michael L., Charlotte, N.C.
2 comments

Tom Swiftie: “These cookies need more spice,” Tom said gingerly.

Joke by Ben P., Wise, Va.
0 comments

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