6,000 Funny Kids Jokes - Scout Life Think & Grin Jokes

Elliot: What book are you reading?

Paul: “Great Expectations.”

Elliot: Is it good?

Paul: It’s not all I was hoping for.

Joke by Cody J. B., Portland, Ore.
3 comments

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Mom: Our dog is like one of the family.

Dad: Which one?

Joke by Adam C., Shelton, Conn.
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A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”

Joke by Ted M., Sayreville, N.J.
32 comments

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Sam: What do you do if you’re attacked by mosquitoes?

John: What?

Sam: Call in the S.W.A.T. team!

Joke by Kevin W. B., East Providence, R.I.
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A book never written: “How to be a Good Kid” by Miss Bea Haven.

Joke by Evan J., Savannah, Ga.
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Bob: Knock, knock.

Ed: Who’s there?

Bob: Olive.

Ed: Olive, who?

Bob: Eat Olive your vegetables!

Joke by Zac E., Lens, Belgium
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Taylor: How many sheep does it take to make a sweater?

Brad: I have no idea. I didn’t even know sheep could knit.

Joke by Taylor T., Plano,Tex.
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Tom Swiftie: “She tore my valentine in half!” said Tom half-heartedly.

Joke by Alexander J.Velazquez, Hamden, Conn.
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I eat my peas with honey; I’ve done it all my life.

It makes the peas taste funny, But it keeps ’em on my knife!

Joke by Kameron B., Deer Lodge, Mont.
3 comments

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Nick: How deep is the frog pond?

Rick: I don’t know.

Nick: Kneedeep, kneedeep, kneedeep.

Joke by Nick B., Golden Colo.
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John: Knock, knock.

Ron: Who’s there?

John: Ice cream soda.

Ron: Ice cream soda, who?

John: Ice cream soda people can hear me!

Joke by Jonathan L., Miller Place, N.Y.
8 comments

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Ryan: What did one time bandit say to the other?

Rob: What?

Ryan: “Let’s cut them off at the past!”

Joke by Ryan S., Kirkland,Wash.
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A book never written: “Nursery Rhymes Drive Me Crazy” by Pat E. Cake.

Joke by Joseph M., Covington, Wash.
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A cowboy is walking down the street. A policeman asks him his name.

“Tex,” the cowboy replies.

“So you're from Texas,” the officer says.

“Nope. Louisiana.”

“So why do you call yourself Tex?"

“Well, ‘Louisa’ just didn’t sound right.”

Joke by Joel C., Nicholasville, Ky.
4 comments

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Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?

Mother snake: Yes, son.Why?

Baby snake: I just bit my tongue!

Joke by Mark R., Barrington, R.I.
5 comments

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A book never written: “How the Brave Jump Off a Cliff” by Hugo First.

Joke by Michael J. K., Centennial, Colo.
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Mason: Did you hear about the man who fell into a machine at the upholstery shop?

Jason: Really? Did he go to the hospital?

Mason: Yes, and he’s fully recovered now.

Joke by Mason I., Phoenix, Ariz.
8 comments

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Teacher: Dylan, if there are a dozen flies on the table and you swat one, how many are left?

Dylan: Just the dead one.

Joke by Dylan H., Columbus, Ind.
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Harrison: What did the bread say to the oven?

Greg: What?

Harrison: I’m toast!

Joke by Harrison S., Celina, Tex.
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A book never written: “Who Needs Sweaters?” by Harry Mann.

Joke by Trevor B., Yorba Linda, Calif.
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Teacher: Michael, where’s your pencil?

Michael: I ain’t got one.

Teacher: Michael, where’s your grammar?

Michael: She’s at home, and she ain’t got my pencil either!

Joke by Alicia G., Indialantic, Fla.
2 comments

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Jack: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

Bill: What?

Jack: It’s time to go to sweep!

Joke by Matt S. N., Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
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Teacher: Johnny, please use the word “iota” in a sentence.

Johnny: Yes, ma’am. “He said iota bus driver a dollar.”

Joke by Nick R., Lockport, Ill.
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A book never written: “Filthy Rich” by M.T.Wallet.

Joke by Steven S., Zeeland, Mich.
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Dad: It’s time for your violin lesson.

Son: Oh, fiddle!

Joke by Kevin R., Van Buren, Ark.
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