6,000 Funny Kids Jokes - Scout Life Think & Grin Jokes

A book never written: “Car Alarms” by Eileen Donna Porsche.

Joke by Greg S., Matthews, N.C.
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Jake: Knock, knock.

Jack: Who’s there?

Jake: Aware.

Jack: Aware, who?

Jake: Aware, aware has my magazine gone?

Joke by Jacob D. P., Orem, Utah
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Dentist: What kind of filling do you want in your tooth?

Boy: Chocolate!

Joke by Gabriel A. C., Ypsilanti, Mich.
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Daffynition: Flu shot—a jab well done.

Joke by Kenny E., Bronston, Ky.
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Vince: I broke my leg in two places.

Vance: My heavens! What did the doctor say?

Vince: He told me to stop going to those places.

Joke by Vince T., Eden Prairie, Minn.
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Patient: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a spoon!

Doctor: Lie down and don’t stir.

Joke by Michael M., Loveland, Colo.
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A book never written: “Barking Up the Wrong Tree” by Kaye Nine.

Joke by Ulrik N., Brooklyn, N.Y.
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News bulletin: “Two men have escaped from prison. One is 7 feet 3 inches tall, and the other is 3 feet 4 inches tall. Police are looking high and low for them.”

Joke by Sebastian C., Hustisford, Wis.
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Moe: My doctor said if I don’t give up playing the drums, I’ll be dead before the month is over!

Max: My goodness! Why is that?

Moe: Because he’s my downstairs neighbor.

Joke by Connor P., Beachwood, N.J.
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Tom Swiftie: “Wool makes me itchy,” Tom said sheepishly.

Joke by Conor M., San Jose, Calif.
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Teacher: John, do you use bad words?

John: No, sir.

Teacher: Do you disobey your parents

John: No, sir.

Teacher: Come now, you must do something wrong once in a while.

John: I tell lies.

Joke by Johnny R., Acworth, Ga.
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Sam: What do you get when you cross a jalapeño, a steam shovel and a dachshund?

Pam: Search me. What?

Sam: A hot diggety dog!

Joke by Sam S., Birmingham, Ala.
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Daffynition: Laughingstock—cattle with a sense of humor.

Joke by Tom P., El Paso, Tex.
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A Scoutmaster asked one of his Scouts what Good Turn he had done for the day. The Scout replied, “Well, sir, my mom only had one dose of castor oil left, so I let my little brother have it.”

Joke by Kurt P., McGuire AFB, N.J.
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A boy was riding in a car with his grandpa.

“Oh no,” the grandfather said. “I just made an illegal right turn.”

“That’s O.K., Grandpa. The cop behind us just did the same thing!”

Joke by Mark D. K., Pierre, S.D.
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Tom Swiftie: “I need a pencil sharpener,” Tom said bluntly.

Joke by Daniel J. G., Indianapolis, Ind.
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Pat: Knock, knock.

Matt: Who’s there?

Pat: Moscow.

Matt: Moscow, who?

Pat: Moscow’s brown, and Pa’s cow is black.

Joke by Patrick D., Charlotte Hall, Md.
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Joe: What did one cell say to the other cell?

Moe: What?

Joe: “Do these genes make me look fat?”

Joke by Joey G., Apple Valley, Minn.
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A book never written: “Steer Clear of Big Snakes” by Anna Conda.

Joke by Paul B., Grand Rapids, Mich.
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After reviewing an elderly man’s test results, the doctor broke the bad news.

“You’re a very sick man,” he said softly.

“I’m afraid there’s nothing more we can do for you. Is there anyone you’d like to see?”

The patient snapped back, “Absolutely! I’d like to see another doctor.”

Joke by Sam O., Walpole, Mass.
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Josh: How do robins get in shape?

James: I don’t know. How?

Josh: They do worm-ups!

Joke by Josh S., Post Falls, Idaho
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Tom Swiftie: “Did anyone catch the license plate number on that steamroller?” Tom asked flatly.

Joke by Caleb G., Helmville, Mont.
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A puny guy applies for a job as a lumberjack.

“Sorry,” says the head lumberjack, eyeing the man up and down. “You’re just too small.”

“Give me a chance to show you what I can do,” the guy pleads. “You won’t regret it.”

“O.K.,” says the boss. “See that giant oak over there? Let’s see you chop it down.”

Half an hour later, the mighty oak is felled, amazing the boss.

“Where’d you learn to cut trees like that?” he asks.

“The Sahara Forest.”

“Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?”

“Is that what they call it now?”

Joke by Evan F., Clements, Calif.
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Bill: What do you call a short fortune teller on the run?

Bob: Dunno. What?

Bill: A small medium at large.