A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. “This must be a mistake,” the man says. “I’ve been here only 20 minutes!” “No mistake,” the doctor says. “It’s $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.” Joke by Daniel H., Caledonia, Michigan12 commentsLoading...
Joey: What did the balloon say to the doctor? Mark: What? Joey: “I feel lightheaded!” Joke by Joey G., Springboro, Ohio6 commentsLoading...
Luke: Why did the bee go see the doctor? Jake: I give up. Luke: It had hives. Joke by Jalen P., Ama, La.2 commentsLoading...
Man: Doctor, I think I’m becoming a dog! Doctor: Just relax. Have a seat, and I’ll help you. Man: But doctor, I’m not allowed on the furniture! Joke by Lee J., Galveston, Texas4 commentsLoading...
George: What do cats say when they get hurt? Jeff: Tell me. George: “Me-OW!” Joke by George Y., San Ramon, Calif.11 commentsLoading...
Daffynition: Deliver—To remove a vital organ. Joke by Christopher K., Wolverine Lake, Mich.10 commentsLoading...
David: Why did the bird go to the doctor? Blake: Beats me. David: For a medical tweet-ment! Joke by David V., Hermitage, Tenn.4 commentsLoading...
Patient: Doctor, how much will it cost to have this splinter taken out? Doctor: About $70. Patient: Seventy dollars? For just a couple of seconds of work? Doctor: I can pull it out very slowly if you prefer. Joke by Greg V., Spring Hill, Kan.7 commentsLoading...
Ben: Did you hear about the eyeglass maker who got caught in his machine? Henry: What happened? Ben: He made a spectacle of himself. Joke by Ben G., Sylvania, Ohio3 commentsLoading...
Luke: Why did the bee go to the hospital? Jake: I give up. Luke: Because it had hives! Joke by Paul P., Meriden, Conn.11 commentsLoading...
Derek: Why did the doctor have to hold his temper? Dan: Beats me. Derek: So he wouldn’t lose his patients. Joke by Dan H., Beavercreek, Ohio12 commentsLoading...
Bob: When do windows see the doctor? Joe: I don’t know. Bob: When they have panes! Joke by Senthooran K., Lisle, Ill.5 commentsLoading...
Simon: Why did the orange go to the hospital? Ted: I haven’t a clue. Simon: Because it wasn’t peeling well. Joke by Simon X., Riyadh, Saudi Arabia4 commentsLoading...
Daffynition: Quack—A duck that has no business practicing medicine. Joke by Will G., Rutland, Vt.4 commentsLoading...
Sal: How did the man know how to find the chiropractor? Sam: Search me. Sal: He had a hunch! Joke by Salvatore V., St. Louis, Mo.5 commentsLoading...
Joe: When do doctors get angry? Bob: I don’t know. When? Joe: When they run out of patients! Joke by Joseph H., Cupertino, Calif.14 commentsLoading...
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins." "That's odd," answers the man. "I work for the Minnesota Twins!" A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!" "That's weird," answers the second man. "I work for the 3M company!" A nurse tells the third man, "Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets!" "That's strange," he answers. "I work for the Four Seasons hotel!" The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. "What's wrong?" the others ask. "I work for 7 Up!" Joke by Daniel C., Urbana, Ill.539 commentsLoading...