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HomeFood jokes

Food jokes

Ian: What did Oliver Twist say on a camp-out?
Charles: I dunno.
Ian: “Please, sir, may I have s’more?”

Joke by Ian H., Novato, Calif.
3 comments

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Thomas: What is a golfer’s favorite lunch
Charlie: Beats me.
Thomas: A ham sand-wedge.

Joke by Thomas C., Basking Ridge, N.J.
2 comments

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Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!

Joke by Christopher F., Wildwood, Mo.
18 comments

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Gus: What happened when the skinny butcher backed into his grinder?
Spike: Beats me.
Gus: He got a little behind in his work!

Joke by Will B., Madison, Wis.
1 comments

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Wyatt: Why can’t tomatoes win races against lettuce?
Steven: Tell me.
Wyatt: Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup!

Joke by Wyatt S., Newberry, Mich.
8 comments

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Matt: How did the soup lose its job?
Mark: I don’t know. How?
Matt: It got canned!

Joke by Heli N., East Hartford, Conn.
1 comments

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A book never written: “Chinese Recipes” by Terry Yaki.

Joke by Karl G., Taylorsville, Tenn.
4 comments

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Zach: What’s a tortilla chip’s favorite kind of dance?
Tim: Beats me.
Zach: The salsa!

Joke by Zachary K., Colonia, N.J.
9 comments

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Carl: What is an astronaut’s favorite food?
Will: Tell me.
Carl: Launch-meat!

Joke by Carl S., Omaha, Neb.
14 comments

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Tom Swiftie: “I want to get a spicy root at the grocery store,” Tom said gingerly.

Joke by Andrew C., Gaithersburg, Md.
4 comments

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Alex: What did the nut say when it sneezed?
John: I have no clue.
Alex: “Cashew!”

Joke by Alex H., Longwood, Fla.
9 comments

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Fred: What’s the only food made of dust from outer space?
Sarah: What?
Fred: A moon pie!

Joke by Justus W., Middlesboro, Ky.
5 comments

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Nick: What a nightmare -- I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow.
Rick: What’s so bad about that?
Nick: When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Joke by Nick S., Overland Park, Kan.
11 comments

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A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. 

“Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some. 

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. 

“Wait a minute,” the boy said. “Those don’t look fat-free.” 

“Sure they are,” the cook said. “We charge only for the potatoes. The fat is free!”

Joke by Sam S., Birmingham, Ala.
31 comments

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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

"No, ma'am. They're dead."

Joke by Grant W., San Diego, Calif.
4 comments

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A book never written: "Vegetarian Recipes" by Connor Vore.

Joke by Bob S., Waterford, Vt.F
2 comments

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Nathanael: Knock, knock.

Cindy: Who's there?

Nathanael: Distressing.

Cindy: Distressing, who?

Nathanael: Distressing has too much vinegar!

Joke by Nathanael C., Schaumburg, Ill.
4 comments

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Daffynition: Going against the grain -- Being on a no-carb diet.

Joke by Brian S., Charlotte, N.C.
4 comments

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Customer: Do you serve crabs here?

Waiter: We serve everyone. Sit right down.

Joke by Josh G., Brentwood, Tenn.
8 comments

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Daffynition: Vegetarian -- Native American word for "poor hunter."

Joke by Zachary M., Amarillo, Tex.
97 comments

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Philip: What did one slice of bread say to the other?

Elva: What?

Philip: "Stop loafing around!"

Joke by Philip K., Corning, N.Y.
3 comments

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