Merlin: I can do magic. Arthur: Then pull a quarter out of my ear. Merlin: I can’t. There’s no sense in there. Joke by Eric G., Marquette, Mich.16 commentsLoading...
John: Why didn’t the crab give any money to charity? Mark: Beats me. John: Because he was shellfish. Joke by Eric C., Santa Clara, Utah2 commentsLoading...
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. “This must be a mistake,” the man says. “I’ve been here only 20 minutes!” “No mistake,” the doctor says. “It’s $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.” Joke by Daniel H., Caledonia, Michigan14 commentsLoading...
Josh: Which nut can be used as money? Jim: I haven’t the foggiest. Josh: A cash-ew. Joke by Joshua M., Allison Park, Pa.5 commentsLoading...
Andrew: What did the landscaper say after he received his payment? Ross: I don’t know. Andrew: “Thank you very mulch.” Joke by Andrew H., Kirkwood, Mo.1 commentsLoading...
A book never written: “Make Big Bucks” by Phil T. Rich. Joke by Lucas N., Centerville, Minn.3 commentsLoading...
David: What’s the difference between Ben Franklin and a duck? Lily: I don’t know. David: One has his face on a bill; the other has a bill on his face. Joke by David M., Travelers Rest, S.C.5 commentsLoading...
Jon: How does the ocean pay its water bill? Jay: I haven’t a clue. Jon: With sand dollars. Joke by Jon M., Central Point, Ore.4 commentsLoading...
Greg: What’s the best thing to do when a bull is charging? Nic: Tell me. Greg: Just pay him! Joke by Greg S., El Dorado Hills, Calif.7 commentsLoading...
Jaron: Why can’t banks keep secrets? Jim: Tell me. Jaron: There are too many tellers! Joke by Jaron S., Saline, Mich.3 commentsLoading...
Howard: What do you call a discount at the boat store? Susan: I don’t know. Howard: A “two-for-one sail.” Joke by Howard W., Spring Hill, Fla.1 commentsLoading...
A man went to the hardware store and asked for nails. “How long do you want them?” asked the salesman. “Oh,” said the customer, “I was rather hoping to keep them. Joke by Tony C., Lititz, Pa.11 commentsLoading...
A book never written: “The Art of Giving” by Phil Anthropy. Joke by Gautam R., Danville, Calif.1 commentsLoading...
Bill: What do you give the teller at a virtual bank? Will: I dunno. Bill: A reality check! Joke by Joel R., American Fork, Utah4 commentsLoading...
Greg: I have a wonder watch. It only cost 50 cents. Dillon: Why is it called a wonder watch? Greg: Because every time I look at it, I wonder if it’s still working! Joke by Greg S., El Dorado Hills, Calif.15 commentsLoading...
Pedro: Who can drive all their customers away and still make money? The Boss: Who? Pedro: Taxi drivers! Joke by Drew M., Meridian, Idaho4 commentsLoading...
Greg: I have a wonder watch. It only cost 50 cents. Dillon: Why is it called a wonder watch? Greg: Because every time I look at it, I wonder if it’s still working! Joke by Greg S., El Dorado Hills, Calif.4 commentsLoading...
A book never written: “Deep in Debt” by Owen A. Lott. Joke by Jonathan B., Seagrove, N.C.8 commentsLoading...
Daffynition: Paradigm shift—When someone takes 20 cents from you. Joke by Kit K., Monrovia, Md.3 commentsLoading...
A book never written: “How to Make a Killing in a Bull Market” by Butch Herr. Joke by Matthew W., Spring City, Pa.5 commentsLoading...
Chris: Knock, knock. TJ: Who’s there? Chris: Cash. TJ: Cash, who? Chris: No, thanks. I prefer peanuts! Joke by Christian V., Lyme, Conn.2 commentsLoading...
A book never written: “Accounting” by Penny N. Dimes. Joke by Kenny G., Denville, N.J.2 commentsLoading...
Matt: What do you call a very poor cat? Kate: No idea. What? Matt: A “paw-purr.” Joke by Matthew D., The Colony, Tex.4 commentsLoading...
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